Feeling a LOT of Regret

 

So it's 3 months later and a lot has happened. I'm feeling depressed and whiney today so pardon my mood, but it is what it is.

If you follow my blog, you know my mom fell for the 3d time and she agreed she could no longer stay alone. She agreed to move to Oregon if I'd stay with her and help her. I knew in my gut... I knew in my gut... I knew in my gut it was a mistake, but I felt responsible. I also admit to feeling she owed me something after abandoning me as a child, and leaving me her house might make my future more secure. Stupid, Stupid, STUPID!

Soooooo, here's how it's all turning out.  

We put mom's house in CA up for sale and it sold within 24 hours. My son found a house in OR that fit our needs, and so we put an offer of cash contingent upon her house in CA closing escrow, and upon our seeing the house when we arrived in OR.

We packed everything up and rented a big U-Haul truck.  We hired movers, who failed to show up on the day we were to leave. And so my son, a neighbor, and I ended up loading everything into the truck. Mom had so much "stuff" that we couldn't get it all into the truck, and so had to leave some.  The same day, my son drove my mom's car and my mom, and I drove the truck, and we headed north to Oregon.

We stopped at a hotel for one night then continued on. 

Arriving in Oregon, we stayed with my son and his husband in their beautiful home, expecting to be able to move into our new house within a couple of weeks. We had gone to see the house, and it seemed perfect! We called to turn off utilities in CA, and booked a truck for the short move from my son's house to the new house and were getting ready to go, when we got a call from the real estate agent in CA. The buyers were backing out THE DAY BEFORE CLOSING!  WTF!? And the REASON?  She sent me a text, which I did not respond to which basically said her 3 children refused to leave the grandparents house. The children (none of whom could be more than 6 or 8 years old as this woman was about 26) said they didn't like the new house and refused to move in. WHAT?! She said she couldn't bear to leave the kids with their grandparents. WHAT?!  What about grabbing the little snots up and telling them, "We're going!"??? Anyway... that wasn't fun. 

We had the agent put the house up for sale again, and again it sold within 24 hours. This month of waiting was stressful, wondering if the buyers would back out again, and we were biting our nails right up to the day of closing, which was Friday.

And finally, it closed.

Now... my mother... oh my gosh, she has been driving me to drink, literally. She has decided she hates the house. She hates the color (it was just completely repainted inside by the old owners), she wants white. She hates her bathroom, the counters are too small and the shower is "cheap looking." She hates her huge walk in closet (in her OLD house, she filled 4 bedroom closets with clothes she never wore!). She hates the flooring. She hates the carpet. She even hates the bark chips in the flower beds. She HATES and it's really dragging on my heart hearing it over and over and over. She wants to paint the whole inside, which will begin on Thursday. This should be interesting with my MCS. She wants to replace carpet, have her bathroom remodeled, and on and on and on.  And this is a BEAUTIFUL house. There is nothing wrong with it. What is wrong is my mother. She is NEVER happy!

So there's that.

Then there's housekeeping. In my van, housekeeping took at the most one hour and that's when I washed it inside and out.  Here there are 3 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a garage (which she SMOKES in), and a yard to keep up. (The gardener only mows.) I have cooking and laundry. And I'm still trying to recover from my double mastectomy. I'm exhausted.

Then there are the expenses. 

Holy SHIT!

When I lived out of my van, I paid for groceries, for gasoline (maybe $25/month), for water (8 gallons a week @50 cents per gallon), and occasional propane (under $20 every 2 to 3 months).

Since my mom wants me to split expenses with her, even though I only own 1/6 of this house, I did a budget yesterday and by the end of each month, I have (literally) nothing. In fact, I'm $2 over budget. That's because the house expenses include electricity, water, garbage, gardener, tv/internet, house insurance, and enough groceries to feed an army. I've fucking overwhelmed with this and sinking into a hole of depression.

She keeps reminding me I'll inherit this house. But you know what? It's like this to me. If somebody told you that they'd give you a MILLION dollars but the one catch was they'd hit your big toe with a hammer, and as soon as it started to heal, they would hit it again, and then again, and then again, would you take the money? Or would you say, "Fuck THAT!"

I'm at the "Fuck THAT" stage!

What to do? I don't know yet. But I do know I can't live this way. My plan is to wait a month or two to see exactly what the utilities will be and then negotiate with her. If she can't carry more of a share, she may be headed to assisted living. In the meantime, my budget includes putting away $50/month into a savings account where I DO have the cash from the sale of my van stashed. I hope after negotiations, I can increase that to $200/month.

She put her car in my name because she no longer drives. I'm gonna sell that sucker as soon as I have the cash.

And I'm on the lookout for another van.

Sticks and bricks aren't all they're cracked up to be.

I miss my FREEDOM!

PS:  There HAVE been some fun moments. Unpacking my dozen boxes that have been in storage at my son's house was fun. Touching all the things I love. My rock collection. My art and crafting tools. My books. But I lived almost 3 years without those and didn't really miss them. I'm already looking at what I can sell.